i wish my penis had a tongue
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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