I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
