worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize