who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So much rum. So many feels.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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