I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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