If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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