Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
