Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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