Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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