dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
