I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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