Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
