if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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