I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They took my balls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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