We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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