It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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