You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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