she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You left your phone here
Wait...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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