I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
