you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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