Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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