so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize