Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
