if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
