okay pat passed out under dana's car
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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