the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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