i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
