spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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