he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
