Screwed.edu
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I looked at my own cervix.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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