I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
