ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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