the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
