ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Randomize
