they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
