I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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