if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
