I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
