Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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