Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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