he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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