Pappa wants mamma naked
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
