but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
