I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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