It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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