the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
