What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
