it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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