Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
