Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
