don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
