My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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