That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
