Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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