I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
