i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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