Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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