Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize