it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
