I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
