Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
