It's like God shit irony all over that family
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
