Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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