that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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