Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You are a genius and a whore.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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